Whether you’re a newlywed or have been married for many years, having a good handle on your finances needs to be a top priority for couples.
Spouses that can make no financial decisions together are usually in a better position than those who avoid talking about money or rely on one spouse to handle every aspect of the household finances.
If you and your partner have different money “personalities” – different spending habits, savings goals, or just different philosophies about money – you could have arguments about money and endure financial problems that taint an otherwise happy marital life.
According to a survey from Money magazine , arguments about financial matters are the leading cause of friction between spouses. Of the couples surveyed, 70% argue about money – that’s a lot of arguments. Fortunately, things get better as you age because older couples tend to argue about money less than the younger folks. That’s probably because most of us become more financially secure as we age.
1 . IGNORING CONFLICTING SPENDING HABITS
Scholars have found that individuals gravitate toward spouses who look, sound, and act as they do – except when it comes to money, according to
surveys conducted by the University of Pennsylvania, University of Michigan, and Northwestern University.
Scholars have found that individuals gravitate toward spouses who look, sound, and act as they do – except when it comes to money, according to
surveys conducted by the University of Pennsylvania, University of Michigan, and Northwestern University.
Penny pinchers and reckless spenders tend to marry the other, but these couples report unhappier marriages than those in which both spouses had similar spending habits, the studies revealed.
Disparity in spending can be manageable, but if issues aren’t addressed, research says this could increase your likelihood of divorce. The Utah State University study found individuals who feel their spouse spends money foolishly reported lower levels of marital happiness and gauged their likelihood of divorce at 45 percent.
2 . AVOID POWER PLAYS
Avoid using money to manipulate, punish or control your spouse in any way. This is called financial abuse. It is particularly applicable if one spouse is the breadwinner whilst the other stays home taking care of the kids. The malignant misconception often occurs where the one earning the salary feels that he is the only one ‘working’. Even if both are working, in a healthy marriage there should not be the concept of ‘my money’, but rather ‘ours’.
Avoid using money to manipulate, punish or control your spouse in any way. This is called financial abuse. It is particularly applicable if one spouse is the breadwinner whilst the other stays home taking care of the kids. The malignant misconception often occurs where the one earning the salary feels that he is the only one ‘working’. Even if both are working, in a healthy marriage there should not be the concept of ‘my money’, but rather ‘ours’.
3 . AVOID KEEPING AN EAGLE EYE ON EACH OTHER
Accountability is good, but you need to avoid the mistake of checking up on every little thing your spouse buys, or every cent he or she spends. This engenders feelings of mistrust and resentment which will be counterproductive to your relationship.
Accountability is good, but you need to avoid the mistake of checking up on every little thing your spouse buys, or every cent he or she spends. This engenders feelings of mistrust and resentment which will be counterproductive to your relationship.
Some couples decide on a certain amount per month which they are individually allowed to spend in any way they choose without needing to tell their spouse what they used it for, unless they choose to. This brings a sense of freedom and choice, rather than the feeling of being trapped.
4 . KEEPING SECRETS AND HIDING MONEY(FINANCIAL INFIDELITY)
In a 2012 survey by Self.com and Today.com , 56 percent of women and 37 percent of men said they had lied to their partner about money. That could mean they’re opening accounts without their partner’s knowledge, hiding purchases or squirreling away money on the side.
If you’re the one with the secrets, come clean. Hiding money details can signal a deeper problem.
In a 2012 survey by Self.com and Today.com , 56 percent of women and 37 percent of men said they had lied to their partner about money. That could mean they’re opening accounts without their partner’s knowledge, hiding purchases or squirreling away money on the side.
If you’re the one with the secrets, come clean. Hiding money details can signal a deeper problem.
If you want your marriage to have staying power, stop the secrets. That 2012 survey also found that most people considered financial infidelity just as damaging as an affair , and 13 percent of respondents said their divorce was the result of money secrets.
There should be no secrets when it comes to finances in a marriage. Secret spending or hiding things like bonuses from your partner can be a sign of trust issues and a larger problem at hand. If you’re hiding purchases, credit cards, or extra income in your marriage, it can only hurt your relationship.
While there is no need to consult with your spouse every time you pull out your wallet, it is important you both respect the budget you have set for yourselves. It is also wise to have a spending limit for purchases that can’t be made without consulting one another. That way one of you doesn’t make an impulse buy on a new iPad you had to have, which is sure to lead to an argument.
Most marriages don’t have money problems, they simply have communication problems when it comes to money. Avoid making your marriage more complicated than it needs to be by working together towards your shared financial goals. How do you and your spouse tackles finances?
5. NOT SETTING ASIDE TIME TO HAVE MONEY DATES
We make time for important things in our lives, like going to the doctor or dentist for a check up, and the same should be done for our finances. Talking about money and financial problems can feel awkward, but it’s also necessary in a marriage so that you and your partner can get on the same page.
We make time for important things in our lives, like going to the doctor or dentist for a check up, and the same should be done for our finances. Talking about money and financial problems can feel awkward, but it’s also necessary in a marriage so that you and your partner can get on the same page.
Find a neutral time that works for both you and your partner; don’t wait until someone racks up purchases on the credit card, or when other financial issues come up. Your goal is to calmly discuss your finances when there are no particular money problems at hand.
What you discuss during these money dates is up to you; it could be about sharing household expenses, bill payments, how your budget is going, or saving up for something important. What’s important is that you schedule time to talk finances. These money dates keep both of you in the loop, and allows you to track your goals and support each other on the way to achieving them.
When you have these money dates it’s also important to set some ground rules, so the date doesn’t turn into a
money fight . Agree to take equal responsibility for any money decisions, to be honest about your financial situation, and to make an effort to engage and participate in the discussions.
When you have these money dates it’s also important to set some ground rules, so the date doesn’t turn into a
money fight . Agree to take equal responsibility for any money decisions, to be honest about your financial situation, and to make an effort to engage and participate in the discussions.
6 . LIVING ABOVE YOUR MEANS
Marriage is very demanding especially in terms of lifestyle. For instance, it becomes necessary to own a house and all sorts of furniture and appliances. This often forces many married couples to take debts in a bid to meet these needs, which results in financial instability and hardships many months and even years after. And, unfortunately, these seemingly pressing needs are not always necessary, and they offer little comfort in times of financial hardships.
Marriage is very demanding especially in terms of lifestyle. For instance, it becomes necessary to own a house and all sorts of furniture and appliances. This often forces many married couples to take debts in a bid to meet these needs, which results in financial instability and hardships many months and even years after. And, unfortunately, these seemingly pressing needs are not always necessary, and they offer little comfort in times of financial hardships.
As such, it is important to live within your limits and work toward achieving your goals instead of rushing things. After all, peace of mind is much more comforting than a big house or any other material possessions.
7. NOT SHARING RESPONSIBILITY
Okay, so you've both decided that you want the house, kids, great vacations, and early retirement. Unfortunately, there is a lot of responsibility — both personal and financial — that comes with each of these goals.
Okay, so you've both decided that you want the house, kids, great vacations, and early retirement. Unfortunately, there is a lot of responsibility — both personal and financial — that comes with each of these goals.
Regardless of who does what in the relationship, this responsibility needs to be shared as much as possible. Why? Because that's what a partnership is. The sharing aspect of responsibility is the glue that will keep you together.
It is important that you both feel equal in your contributions and efforts. Without balance, there is an oh-so-subtle shift in knowledge and power that can create an ever-expanding crack in your relationship. And, you should ask yourself, why would just one of you own a responsibility that is so important for realizing your shared hopes and dreams?
However, the division of financial responsibility isn't always easy. Most couples don't have equal incomes, so, it is unrealistic to expect a 50/50 contribution from each person — and yet most couples don't know any other way. They sabotage themselves immediately with an unrealistic expectation.
Per the Suze Orman formula however, each spouse can be responsible for an equal percentage of the bills, rather than an equal dollar amount. With this formula, each spouse is contributing equally based on their income.
Per the Suze Orman formula however, each spouse can be responsible for an equal percentage of the bills, rather than an equal dollar amount. With this formula, each spouse is contributing equally based on their income.
8. NOT KNOWING YOUR PARTNER’S "MONEY STORY "
How each partner feels about finances is often shaped by their experiences with money growing up. And knowing what that history is can give you a greater understanding of your significant other’s attitudes toward money—and help clue you in to sore spots, says Brad Klontz, CFP® and coauthor of “ Mind Over Money.”
How each partner feels about finances is often shaped by their experiences with money growing up. And knowing what that history is can give you a greater understanding of your significant other’s attitudes toward money—and help clue you in to sore spots, says Brad Klontz, CFP® and coauthor of “ Mind Over Money.”
Klontz gives this example: Let's say one spouse grew up poor and was constantly told by his parents, "We can't afford to eat out." As a result, he may like going to restaurants because it makes him feel wealthier. So every time you say the same thing, it's an emotional trigger that causes him to want it even more, leading to a fight.
But when you understand the root cause of your spouse's behavior, you can avoid using "trigger" phrases, and instead address the issue in a more compassionate way by asking questions like, "What did you learn about money as a child? And how could it be influencing your decisions now?"
" A little money conflict isn’t a bad thing. Couples who don't have a fight over money are the worst when it comes to financial infidelity."
9.COMBINING YOUR ACCOUNTS TOO EARLY
Although it’s important to be as honest as possible, you don’t have to prove your love by sharing everything right away. Even some married couples keep separate bank accounts, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing so.
Although it’s important to be as honest as possible, you don’t have to prove your love by sharing everything right away. Even some married couples keep separate bank accounts, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing so.
You should be very careful when you are living together or sharing a bank account or other asset and are not married, because if you simply combine your assets but leave only one person’s name on the account, one of you could lose a lot of money when you break up. If one of you comes into the relationship with more money than the other person, it is very reasonable to discuss what you are both bringing to the table.
In the case of a long-term relationship, you don’t want to hold your money above someone you love, but caution is a good thing. Until you make a long-term commitment, whether it’s marriage or a serious relationship that includes both of you planning for the future, you probably should not share all of your money. If you are getting married and one of you is coming into the marriage with more money, you might want to discuss a
prenuptial agreement .
Although many people are against prenups, if you discuss the matter before sticking it to your partner, they are much more likely to understand.
prenuptial agreement .
Although many people are against prenups, if you discuss the matter before sticking it to your partner, they are much more likely to understand.
10 . INVESTING IN ‘Stuff’ MORE ABOUT THAN IN THE RELATIONSHIP
While material goods can occasionally enhance your lifestyle, focusing too much on what you’re buying or trying to compete with other couples will take away from your marriage.
While material goods can occasionally enhance your lifestyle, focusing too much on what you’re buying or trying to compete with other couples will take away from your marriage.
Spending so much time and energy to appear rich and wealthy can zap you of energy you need for your relationship.
Avoid becoming so materialistic that you ignore what your spouse really needs and wants. If you want your marriage to survive, material goods should be just a part of your life and not the main focus.
The world
Avoid becoming so materialistic that you ignore what your spouse really needs and wants. If you want your marriage to survive, material goods should be just a part of your life and not the main focus.
The world
Besides, when you make “stuff” the priority, what could that do to your marriage if the “stuff” goes away for some reason? Learn to be happy and content with each other and your family and true friends. That’s what makes your life rich. Not the car sitting in your driveway.
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